wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
