this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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