I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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