When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
