I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
