I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
