I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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