I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
