Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
