The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
