Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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