turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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