If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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