Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
