Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
