Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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