It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
