No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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