Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
