Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
