I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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