The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
