I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize