Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
