Acid is not a monday night drug
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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