he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Help. Why am I so naked?
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