New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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