Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
