we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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