A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
