It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
