i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
