Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
