I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
