bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
