You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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