I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
