I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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