im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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