As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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