Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
