Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
