somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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