My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize