just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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