I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
