his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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