id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize