Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My nipple is on Facebook.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
