Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
