this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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