i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
