ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Green mimosas i think yes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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