Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize