..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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