I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
