a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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