He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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