My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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