Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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