the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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