dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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