I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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