Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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