I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
