Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
