I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
