some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize