I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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