Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
