Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
