i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize