i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
