We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
