I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
