I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
