The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
