we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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