You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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