16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
