Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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