I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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