It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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