Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he just fucked me for my cheese..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
