Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
