Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
