his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
