just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
