I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
