Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
