Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
