Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
