Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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