Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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