This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
