Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize