I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
