ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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