He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
